Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Top Ten Chuck Norris Facts

These Chuck Norris Facts are all true. You can't make this stuff up.

Top Ten List: Chuck Norris Facts

#10. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

#9. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

#8. Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

#7. If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

#6. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

#5. While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

#4. Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

#3. Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.

#2. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.

And number one is...

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Top 10 List: Funniest Ways to Say You Have to Poop

Yesturday when I went over to the Mental Health ward at the hospital (I was delivering medications) I over heard a conversation between a doctor and nurse. The doctor just finished evaluating a patient and the patient apparently said,

"Doc, I haven't turned a turd in three days."

The doctor had apparently never heard this saying before and found it hysterical. So in honor of that doctor I dedicate this Top Ten list to him.

Top 10 List: Ways to Say You Have to Poop

#10. Drop doo-doo depth charges.
#9. Going to Donkin Donuts.
#8. Drop one from the poop deck.
#7. Drop a wad to the porcelain god.
#6. Smoke a brown dooby.
#5. Free the chickens from the coop.
#4. Make a constipation proclamation.
#3. Drop the kids off at the pool.
#2. Back the big brown caddy out of the garage.

And last but not least...

#1. Drop the Browns off at the Superbowl.